Everyone knows that when your enemies are fleeing in hysterical terror they will run and hide in the most hard-to-reach places. And what's the use ... Read more

Powerful, understated, reliable. You have absolutely none of these qualities, so it's important to you that your car does. The new Benefactor Schaf... Read more

Alien invasion, the undead rising, hordes of liberal arts students. Whatever threatens your way of life, make sure you have the upper hand with the... Read more

Luxury German Sedan. Better than a BF, but not quite a Benefactor. Fast and practical with a classy look, this is just the car to over-leverage on.... Read more

We know what you're thinking. Another mid-seventies brick. But think about it for a moment. A brick is only slow if you don't throw it right. And d... Read more

What's the Alkonost's biggest selling point? Speed? Agility? Terrifying aerodynamics? How about enough ordnance to sink a midsize island? Or the fa... Read more

Sure, the last time you rode a trike you were wearing nothing but a freshly filled diaper, but what's the point of being a man-child if you don't g... Read more

It's time to look to the future, but you need to take things slow. World Peace? No thanks. Universal healthcare? Gtfo. An SUV that's all electric? ... Read more